Ive been sick a few days now. I have a cold. Its been a bore really. Ive been parked in front of the TV for five days. I couldn’t do the things I wanted and had planned. I wanted to work, take care of the dogs, study, meet a friend, workout etc. Get the new routine rolling. But now, with the pandemic, whenever you get sick you cant do anything just in case. So I had to cancel my plans and stay home. A lot of Netflix watching. A lot of eating. It made me bored but also it made me motivated; After a few days I became too passive. Lying in my bed. I didn’t like it. Ive been watching episode after episode, feeling like a zombie. I felt myself feeling down and I felt sorry for myself. I felt negative and self-critical. After a few days I decided no more tv and spent the day reading instead. Immediately the depressed hopeless feeling disappeared. I felt alive again. Just like that. It gave me insight. Insight that I need to keep tv watching a minor part in my everyday routine. It has its moments as a good and easy distraction to wind down or as a social past time but not letting it take over. Its easily done.. The difference in my mood from both activities were clearer than ever.
I also had an insight regarding food and my eating behavior. I need to concentrate on quality over quantity – which, is not something ive focused so much on before..
I will try to buy organic and groceries I deem a bit more “worth it” instead of getting my hands on as much vegetables and fruit as I can. I don’t know why I haven’t shifted my aim to this before but maybe I needed high carb foods to binge on first until I reached my ideal weight and then binging on high carb foods would make me uncomfortably full. Which they do now, because I weigh less I need less food/calories. My mind is not accustomed yet, but my internal signals of fullness remind me. And this is how I need to shift focus. Im fed up with feeling too full. It’s the natural progression in my food relationship journey! (This also gave me an idea on how I will set up my nutritional coaching in the future – how I will structure the change for people but that’s for another post)
Being sick then, gave me distance to my obligations. It forced me to cancel my mini goals for the day and just be, even though my mind was occupied with reality escape – it indirectly made me realize things with time.
In a more literal sense, I also got distance from the city. My boyfriend is from a small town and he had plans on going back home for a long weekend as he had a week off. It was at this time I got sick so I stayed back in our apartment. But as I started to get better I followed him a few days later by bus. We are now staying at his childhood home. We have been here many times during our time together. Its a very isolated house in the forest and it’s big and open. Its private and nice. Its strange but this time I felt so comfortable. More than before. I felt relaxed immediately when I arrived. A calmness I haven’t had in a long time. Its like im living in a meditative state – feeling present often. Its freaking great. Im not trying, it just happened and im welcoming it. I don’t know what happened or changed but im trying not to overanalyze and just be grateful. This type of distance from the city life always felt nice when we went back to visit his family because its calm. Its quiet. Its private. Its surrounded by nature. This time though – exactly what I needed. It feels like a retreat. And this got my mind set on – I need to live on the countryside. It gives me the same serenity that living in the van does. My ideal state. No stress. Just privacy and nature. Simplicity. I know that me and the boyfriend will buy a land or a cabin and renovate it. Make it our own. In the future though. For now, we still want to travel. Live half a year abroad somewhere warm and half the year, when its warm in Sweden, stay here. Who knows what the future will look like, especially now with covid, but I now know what I want. Accommodation wise. Career is another big question mark. But I try to have faith that the universe will lead me the way.
So, getting distances – so important. Getting distance or.. getting a little break. Getting a cold is a clear signal from your body that you need it. ❤