Expectations

What does it mean? expectations of something. we get disappointed or pleased. a way to control the outcome .. a safety mechanism so you don’t get hurt. It all comes back to this hurt little girl that is afraid.. I’m always on the watch. Expecting for things to go badly. I think living in my mind so much, i try to plan everything. I’ll go into this store or I will interact with this person, what should i say. This leads to an alternative delusional scenario in my mind and when I compare it to the perfect version in my mind, what i should be doing,when its happening i do it quickly to get it over with, not actually experiencing it with my senses and body but only on autopilot like a robot. This isnt on a conscious level, it just happens. its a dull way to live. You’re not experiencing life. The situations are hurried and half the time you live in your own mind and suffering. I have a fear that i will never be able to break this pattern and that life will pass me by.. How can this be reprogrammed? Live in the present moment. It’s that simple, yet it’s like the hardest thing to do.

This is very relevant in my life at the moment. I had a zen coaching session when i realized that everything concerning my ego, that i feel the need that i have to do something, and then dont and get disappointed, its all about expectations. (/controll)

Its the same with this blog. I have expectations that I have to write a certain way now. Perform and write well. This pressure takes away the fun of it all. This is all my responsibility. I allow it to handicap me. Maybe this is writer’s block. In every aspect of life. Creativity block in any way is expectations. Opposite to letting the flow of life pass through you. And I can practise this letting go of expectations by doing hobbies. Creating. If i have a canvas in front of me and have to paint, I can easily feel the expectations starting to creep up as i go along. it should look a certain way. so many different judgments arising. if i witness this, give it light, allow it then question it. yes.

TWO main points here – the importance of present moment for letting go of control and importance of creating (hobbies) for practicing detachment to expectations.

The now… 

after thought i had was, let go and surrender to the universal intelligence = be present. you automatically give up the delusional control craving. it’s not possible to control anything outside of yourself. Even yourself really, you can control movement of your body and some in the moment choices but not really much else. You’re not involved in the decisions your millions of cells make in your body. You’re not a decision maker there at all. That’s all the universal intelligence. Depending on the environment that you created with lifestyle choices over the years and so on your body will function a certain way. Ripple effect by past choices.

so simple yet so not. it’s an art fooooorm. living is hard yet nooooot. Only my mind complicates it.. It is so simple when I write it out: just live through my body more and less in my mind. The balance there, because the mind needs of course to be activated for problem solving and so forth. Let my mind take a vacation every now and then. Let it have space to chillax. Picture your brain on a sunchair, reclining with a margarita in its hand. It saying “aaaaah.” That’s what it really needs. It’s not meant to be activated 24/7 (minus sleeping time, but even then, your mind processes happenings and impressions from the day)

Realize and prioritize this need of your brains vacation. Its long over due.. 

Shorty this post but thinks it need to be in order to get back on it. I dont have to have expectations that whatever I write needs to be two pages and super interesting. Its all for me. All for expressing myself in the world and to stimulate and question my mind. That is all ❤

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